Holden: Hollow Duet: Part 2 (The Hollow Duet) Page 4
The worry melted clean away from his ruggedly handsome face.
He grabbed me and hauled me onto his lap. His hands dove into my hair on either side and he was kissing me ravenously.
“H-Holden,” my voice broke. Oh God, I felt like I was crumbling.
“Beautiful, precious, Isabella. Have you got any idea how happy I am?” He wrapped his arms around me and crushed me against his torso, his mouth in my hair.
“Holden…”
“Our baby. Finally.”
I burst into tears.
“What is it?” he asked, taking my face into his hands and searching it with his eyes.
I stared into his eyes, lip trembling.
“Sweetheart?” he asked.
“I… I just feel like I don’t deserve to be ha-happy.”
His eyebrows furrowed.
“It shouldn’t have happened this fast,” I said. “I was on the pill so it should’ve taken a bit of time, and given me time to wrap my mind around all of it, but it didn’t and now I feel like I have to tell you something and I don’t know how. It’s just… it’s…” I swallowed, and then the words felt like they were torn from my throat. “It’s fucking eating at me.”
God, I needed to shut up. I couldn’t seem to, though.
His frown deepened and he pulled me closer. I knew he didn’t like it when I swore. He never gave me crap for it, but he’d always make a face.
“Tell me. If you can. Can you?”
I shook my head. “Uh uh.”
He sighed and there was loaded silence before he spoke.
“Isabella, I want you to know that I’m happy. You’ve made me very, very happy. You can allow yourself happiness here. This happened quickly because it is how it’s meant to be. That’s all we need to say on the matter.”
I stared at him. Guilt just kept sweeping over me. And maybe he read my expression. He tilted his head and then his expression went hard. Hard as steel.
“Don’t,” he warned.
I stared at him. He continued to stare back. Something frizzled between us. Awareness? Did he know somehow? How could he know?
“Do you know?” I blurted.
He flinched, but he didn’t look away.
“Oh God! You know. You know what I did.” I just couldn’t seem to shut the fuck up.
He tilted his head. “What you did? No.”
It wasn’t a ‘no,’ I don’t know. It seemed to be a ‘no’, in disagreeing that I was the one who did it. I choked on a sob. I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown or something. I felt as fragile as I had when I did that first pregnancy test two autumns ago.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Isabella.”
“I feel like I did. I feel like I definitely did.”
Maybe he didn’t actually know; I couldn’t tell. His expression was guarded, but his eyes implored me to believe him, that I didn’t do anything wrong. But how could I believe that when I felt so deeply that I did. I wished it away. I asked my doctor to book me an appointment for an abortion. I didn’t have to endure that abortion, but I probably would have.
“Don’t speak another word,” he warned.
I bit my lip.
The pain that shot through me, the loss, the guilt – it hurt so much. Our eyes were on one another and I knew he saw everything in mine. Everything.
He leaned in and caressed my face. I leaned into his warm hand and stared into his eyes, my bottom lip trembling.
“You did nothing wrong,” he vowed, fiercely. “I promise you that you didn’t. We’ll have our baby, and everything will finally be right.”
“But…”
“No.”
I sobbed into his chest. He held me close and rocked me, making the swing go to and fro. It creaked a little, needed some oiling. I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t stop trembling. I held tight to him, listening to the creaking and clutching him like he could make it all better if I’d only just hold on.
But it would never be all better, not really.
I’d never know that little personality, never see what he or she would’ve become. My blonde hair? Holden’s dark hair? My brown eyes? His hazel ones that sometimes looked more green and sometimes looked more brown depending on what color his shirt was? I took that away from Holden. From the world. From myself.
“Our baby is coming and believe me, everything is going to be fine, Isabella. Everything will be right,” he whispered against my head.
I shook my head with disbelief, staring off into space.
“Shh.” He kissed my head and rocked me some more. And I sobbed into his shoulder. And then I snapped up straight. No. This had to stop.
“I have to s-stop this or I’ll do it again.”
His eyes were on me questioningly.
“The stress. The worry. I’ll get too overwhelmed again and lose another one.”
“You didn’t do that last time, Isabella.”
I stared in disbelief but knew I should keep my mouth shut, that I should say nothing else.
“It’s been eating at me for all this time. Every baby I see. Every pregnant belly on a momma of one of my students. It just…”
“Stop it, sweet Isabella. You didn’t do anything. It wasn’t your doing.”
“So, you do know,” I confirmed.
“I do.”
The world went silent for a beat. I’d never heard such silence before. Creaking of the swing we were on suddenly interrupted the loaded silence. I swallowed down what felt like shards of glass.
“How do you know I didn’t do anything? How do you know it wasn’t my fault?”
“I just know.” He got his mouth directly against my ear and whispered, “Our baby is coming to us. You did nothing wrong.” He put his hand on my stomach. “Our baby will be here.”
I frowned.
“Believe me. We’ve lost nothing.”
“There was a baby. It wasn’t a blighted ovum. I know it. I know it, Holden.”
He frowned.
“They said the sac was empty that there’d never been a baby, but I know it was there. I know it was there and it’s my fault it went away because I was so out of my mind, so traumatized.”
Holden winced. I put my hand over my mouth.
“No, Isabella. It was safe. He’s what’s growing in you now.”
“The same baby?” That couldn’t be what he meant. It made zero sense.
Had we broken the rule? Were we non-specific enough?
He shook his head and lifted me up into his arms and carried me inside. “It’s too cold out. I’ll build a fire; I’ll make you some more tea.”
He set me on the couch and went to the kitchen.
The same baby?
How?
Holden returned a few minutes later with a cup of steaming tea for me and set it down on the coffee table, then moved to the fireplace.
I opened my mouth, about to ask questions, but my phone made a sound from beside the teacup.
I stared at it. A text alert.
Holden looked over his shoulder. Our eyes were on my phone.
It never worked when he was in the vicinity. Never. Not even for a text alert.
I leaned over, lifted the phone, and stared at the screen.
A new text from Trina, from work. An earlier text from Katie, my old roommate. And a voicemail notification.
Trina: Heard you called in sick. I hope you’ll be well enough to come to the party tonight. Feel better!
Katie: When are we having a girls day? It’s been 4ever. I miss my Izzybells.
My mouth was agape at the notion of getting a text alert when Holden was with me.
I cleared the message notifications.
“Why is my phone working? It never works when you’re near me.”
He looked at me with something between confusion and concern.
“You do know
this, right? That my cell phone won’t work when you’re near? I have a signal. I—” I hit the icon to listen to the voicemail, convinced it wouldn’t work. The greeting began to play on speaker as I stared at the phone in disbelief.
“Two new messages. First message…”
“Isabella, this is Erica. Do not say it. Do not! Please phone me at this number so we can discuss. It’s imperative! If you speak any of the words –”
Oh God! I fumbled and it fell to the floor.
“about that night, about his past, words about anything related to that, it will unleash the monst—”
I was scrambling to get it off speaker and finally did. I held the phone to my ear. My eyes sliced to him, his were on me. Confusion on his face had turned to alarm. I listened to the rest of her message with the phone against my ear.
“… rampage without it being in his control. It’s the price you both have to pay to keep what you have in one another. If you break the rule, it’ll be like it was before, but it will be worse, because he may not be in his old hunting grounds where we can possibly contain him. Just telling you this much will cost me, Isabella. Not you, not Holden, me. I will pay that price to try to stop you from losing everything. Because if you do whatever you’re thinking about doing, it will cost you both everything. And more. Please. Hear this message and say nothing. Call me.”
Oh shit.
How did she know? She left the message not long ago. How did she know what I might do before I even uttered the words?
I disconnected and put the phone down.
His eyes were still on me.
“I don’t know if we broke her rule or not. Did we?”
We did. We absolutely did. I dug into it. I confronted it. I spoke of it. It was my fault. I pushed him. Me.
He closed his eyes and I watched a swallow work its way down his throat. His shirt was open at the throat and I could see the puckered ropy scar that I knew went all the way around because he’d been decapitated by a cannonball.
“I couldn’t just keep my mouth shut, could I?” I whimpered. Two years I’d kept it shut. Why was I now losing it?
He immediately had me in his arms. “Shh. Say nothing else. It might be okay. It might be.”
It wouldn’t be okay. Something ugly slithered around in my gut. I made him say those things to comfort me. Why did my phone suddenly work? Why couldn’t I keep my shit together? And what now?
“I’m gonna take a little walk and return that call,” I said and scrambled out of his arms. “I’ll be… I’ll be right back.”
He was crouched in front of the sofa, bowed with his hand across his forehead as I moved away and outside with my phone.
***
“Isabella,” Erica greeted. She sounded winded.
“I think I fucked up,” I said. “I…we…”
“Stay put. I’m already on my way,” she replied. “I’ll be there in a few hours.”
5 – Now: The Calm Before the Storm
Back in the house, I found Holden sitting, staring at the empty fireplace. He shook it off barely two beats after I came into the room, though I’d seen it. Concern.
“If I could read your mind,” I mused.
He stared.
“If you could read mine,” I added. “It would make things easier if you did.”
His eyes traveled the length of me, and it was like he read every raw emotion I had as his eyes roved my face. It was all on my face, just like when he watched me read books.
“I did. Emotions, anyway, until that day, last year, for a whole year until the chains vanished, and I came to you.”
“Are you allowed to tell me that?”
“Probably not, but we’re already here, so…” He shrugged.
My stomach lurched. We had broken the rule. He was right. What on earth would happen to us because of it? And chains for a year? He was in chains, feeling my emotions, for a year?
“Erica is on her way. Hopefully she’s got a remedy,” he said.
He steepled his hands in front of his face and his eyes got a faraway look in them.
“This is my fault,” I choked out, hoarsely.
He shook his head.
“It is,” I insisted. “I pushed and pushed and we both said things we shouldn’t, but you said them to reassure me. I said them, because I’m losing my goddamn mind.” I thrust my fingers into my hair.
He flexed his jaw and moved to me, tagging my hand with his and pulling me toward the stairs.
“Wh-what?”
“Come with me,” he ordered, and walked me up the stairs.
When I got to the top of the stairs, I stalled. “Wait. What are you doing? We’ve gotta---”
“We’ve gotta take a minute and relax. I need you to calm down. This state of mind is troubling, Isabella, and it won’t help so let’s just go take a minute.”
I followed him into our bedroom, and we sprawled on the unmade bed.
I made the bed daily, always before I left for work. But, I hadn’t yet, because when I woke up to pee, I decided to pee on that stick, knowing the first urine of the day is supposed to be the best for a pregnancy test.
He pulled me close. I awkwardly put my arms around him, but bit my lip.
“It’ll be all right. Let’s just shut it all out until Erica arrives and we know more.”
“Will it, Holden?”
“It needs to be.”
I looked into his eyes. “Looking at you, I know if you could make it all right, you would.”
“You’re right. Absolutely.”
“But, what if it’s outside our control?”
“Don’t worry unless something makes it that you need to worry. It’s pointless and could be harmful. I want to help you relax.” He started to remove my cardigan and then his lips were behind my ear.
“No, Holden, I don’t think—” How could intimacy be on his mind at a time like this?
“I need you…” He let that hang as if there was more to that sentence.
I need you one last time?
Was that it?
“It’s not fair,” I told him.
“I know,” he agreed and flexed his jaw again.
“I need to just say it. Since it’s too late anyway. Wait. But what if it isn’t?”
“Best to think positive, sweets.”
I agreed with a nod. “I need you, too,” I told him, pushing away thoughts of telling him how unfair it was that I’d carried the pain of thinking I’d lost our baby for all this time and now that I knew it wasn’t lost, I couldn’t celebrate that knowledge because the news brought a whole other set of problems, problems I had no comprehension the depth of. Holden said it was a ‘he’. A baby boy.
My eyes leaked with love, imagining tiny baby blue booties, over-loved teddy bears, baseball mitts, tiny footballs. Seeing Holden hike a little tike up onto his shoulder, walking through mustard yellow farm fields.
“Our baby,” he whispered against my lips. “We’re a family, Isabella. My whole life, before finding you… all I wanted was a beautiful wife who truly loved me, some children, and land to farm so I could provide for my family. I have everything I wanted.”
I put my hands to his jaw on both sides.
“But even more than that. I have you. You’re more than I could’ve dreamt up,” he added.
He put his palm to my belly. I touched my lips to his and then his tongue slipped between my lips as his hand rounded my hip and then flattened against my lower back so that he could bring my body flush against his.
“I want to taste you, all over,” he told me, rolling me onto my back. “I want it more than my next breath.”
My eyelashes fluttered, and I felt a smile spread across my lips.
Lost in him, I nodded. Yes, this was what I needed. Just for a little while. Just in case… in case it was the last time …
“You’re my sweet and innocent little wife, Isabella, until there’s a notion of my mouth between those creamy thighs. Then you turn into my little strumpet sex k
itten.”
I giggled. He was so right.
He flashed a grin as my nightie went over my head. His mouth took in the tip of a breast and he sucked. They felt heavy and a bit sore today. His mouth on the peak of one brought a new sensation. The soreness crossed with the arousal in me was a potent combination that had the effect of making my knees drop, my legs gliding wide.
His head was there in a flash and my fist was in his hair as my mouth opened into an O. He grabbed my inner thighs roughly and pulled me down six inches on the bed and then went at me like he was starving for it and had to devour it before someone took it from him.
Was that because this would be the last time?
I swallowed with pain at that thought. No. I wanted to get lost in this. Forget for a few minutes.
“Holden, fuck,” I grunted.
His head snapped up and he flipped me over and gave my rump a slap. “Dirty mouth,” he said and then he lined up and slammed deep into me.
I fell onto my face with a gasp. “Oh, God!”
“When your mouth gets dirty, I wanna put my cock in it. It makes me so hard, Isabella. My pretty little wife with that filth spewing out of her gorgeous lips.”
I gasped in surprise but also felt like laughing. That look on his face whenever I swore? I thought he was annoyed that I was being what most men of his time would consider to be unladylike. I was wrong.
“Put it in, Holden,” I challenged. “I love sucking your cock. You have to know by now how much I love going down on you.”
He growled, slipping his hands under and one went to my nipple and the other went between my legs, to my clit. He rubbed circles on it as he thrust in and out of me, smushing me into the mattress while toying with so many erogenous zones at the same time that I was ready to explode.
“You shouldn’t tempt when I can’t put it there, sweet girl.” His teeth tugged on the ridge of my ear, causing a goose bump breakout.
“Why can’t you?” I asked, breathless.
“Because I’m inside you, silly heart.”
“I don’t even care,” I told him. “Take it out and put it in my mouth.”
That had the magical effect of making him go harder and faster, grunting, “Hurry.”
I detonated, him following right on my heels.
“Holden. I love you so much.”